Cleopuptra

She Loves Me... She Loves Me Not...

2011-06-22T16:50:00.001-07:00

Oh, no. She loves me. And it's mutual.

1

2011-04-16T17:39:00.000-07:00

When she asks why, I don't know what to tell her other than I don't have to own the sun to feel warm and improved by my time in it.

"“The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe”

2011-03-29T09:36:00.001-07:00

1,673 Times

2011-03-13T13:47:00.000-07:00

You are such an epic failure.

"The Waiting Drove Me Mad...

2011-03-07T19:52:00.000-08:00

You're finally here and I'm a mess
I take your entrance back... can't let you roam inside my head
I don't want to take what you can give..."

No More Chasing Butterflies

2011-03-06T12:42:00.000-08:00

Twice

2011-02-03T15:44:00.000-08:00

My person has only said it twice...
I'm pretty sure we'll regret this one in time, just... because it cannot be.
But we know we feel it, and that may matter more than anything else.

"Do I Still Make You Crazy?"

2011-01-15T18:16:00.000-08:00

Oh, god, yes.

And There's Not Much Else To Say

2010-12-22T14:08:00.000-08:00

Enough, Already

2010-12-20T12:58:00.000-08:00

Rain:
You suck.
You make everything smell like puppy.
It's time for you to stop.
Then again, MP says I get a b.a.t.h. when you stop.
I'm so conflicted.

Girls. Girl. The Girl:
Enough.
It's a bit like being hit in the chest with an anvil.
There's nothing we can do.
I'm not sure we would do anything if we could.
Maybe it's best we leave each other alone.
...and how painful is that?

"She Makes Me Feel Kinda Funny

2010-12-08T18:36:00.000-08:00

Like when I used to climb the rope in gym class."

Okay, maybe not... But she makes MP feel a little giddy.

Oh, A Unicorn!

2010-12-04T14:44:00.000-08:00

As a department, they decided not to give out "exceeds expectations." After all, how can you "exceed" doing your job?

Oh, yeah. That's right-- by being awesome.

Alrighty, Then

2010-12-02T15:46:00.000-08:00

And this is how we know it's the end of the semester. In MP's morning class, there are three very smart, well-behaved women that sit in the front row. During a discussion of the assigned text, it got a little weird. When the talk turned to relationships and whether or not long-term partners are needed for companionship, someone suggested getting a dog.

Student one said, "You can't fuck your dog."
As the laughter slowed, the one next to her added: "Well..."
...then the third one looked at MP and said, "We aren't even in TJ."

Yeah. There's really nowhere to go from here. But that kind of thing is why her classes are always packed; you just never know what's going to happen. The group of veterans that have been filling her classes and following her from term to term are coming back for a last fun-filled English romp. Women in Lit this Spring should be... interesting.

To Charlie Brown Tree, or Not to Charlie Brown Tree

2010-11-29T16:45:00.000-08:00

It's a tough call. The good news is the places in our area deliver.

The bad news is pine needles hurt a pup's tushie.

Damn You!

2010-11-27T13:47:00.001-08:00

I'm so pissed at Porto's! Opening a bakery in Downey is like putting a crack shop on the corner.

Teach My Homo to Cook (Part 1)

2010-11-25T21:48:00.000-08:00

Firegirl is an awesome cook. Really. She's chef quality (most firemen are), and she makes me little puppy-safe snacks. But she is not teaching MP to cook anymore-- at least not until we buy a new range. She said something about the discharge from the fire extinguisher being bad for the finish of her kickass Wolf range. MP said stainless wipes off easy...

Yeah, we had In-N-Out that night.

The Pea is also a good cook, but she specializes in salads (really amazing and different kinds), chicken, and vegetable-based dishes. Damn her and her healthy food!

Anyway, we need a new victim, uh... volunteer... to teach my homo to cook! We'll pay you in kisses (we're both pretty solid in that department) and the occasional new fire extinguisher. Who could pass up an offer like that?

How Was Thanksgiving?

2010-11-25T16:43:00.001-08:00

A dog. A frozen turkey. A hardwood floor. Do the math.

Ahem

2010-11-22T15:24:00.001-08:00

Fire Girl said to retract that last post. She said hot homo lovin' is icky and weird, and she only does it because it's part of her charity work.

Better? Good. We'll see you at 8.

Okay, I'm Going to Walk Away Now...

2010-11-21T21:05:00.000-08:00

MP was talking to Tech Boy. After they started wandering to the parking lot together, Tech Boy and MP discussed women, life, marriage, sex, and sexiness. MP confessed that women come easy these days-- to the point that it's almost ridiculous. They text; they call; they seduce; they protect; they comfort; they cajole; they are passionate... and they are often out of my person's league. She doesn't always get it-- and occasionally, neither do I.

"...and you want to know why?" he asked her. "You want to know why women like you so much? I can tell you why. Whenever I see you, I think to myself, 'She's just stunning.' You just make me smile by walking in the room."

Insert awkward pause here.

Tech Boy: Uhmm. Okay, now you're blushing. And I'm blushing. Can we go back in time?

MP: One girl (Fire Girl) said she loves making love with me because it's like having a pet tiger.

Tech Boy: That's... That's perfect. That's the best I could explain it. And it would have saved the awkward thing.

Then Mossad came over and saved them by wrapping herself around MP.

And the cycle continues.

MP Wishes She Could Speak Bulgarian

2010-11-19T15:19:00.000-08:00

The Finn came back from Helsinki to defend her PhD dissertation (successfully). While she was back, she came over from some coffee and to annoy the crap out of me. MP seems to like it, though... and I guess I have to give the girl a bone. Or let her get a bone. Or whatever. Anyway, they were watching the end of Survivor, and the Finn said that she couldn't understand American "reality" tv. After MP made jokes about speaking English, the Finn explained that in Europe, reality tv is filled with hot people doing... interesting things-- other than running through mud or talking trash. She showed us an example. And I didn't get to sleep at all that night.

MP says this clip is one of the hottest things she has ever seen-- and that it once again proves that porn is shit, but real sex with women is amazing. Click here for the link. I didn't embed because this is 100% NSFW. The audio is what makes this-- especially at the end. The chicks from the Germany BB weren't too bad, either, but that's a whole different post.

Poppin' Time!

2010-11-19T13:39:00.000-08:00

The trade off for living on the beach is limited yard. I trained my person well, but I still have to walk her 4 times a day. Once it starts raining, things get a little weird. There's whining, and growling, and dragging of paws-- but I love her, so I hand her my leash and tell her to put on her big-homo panties. Last winter, she got me an awesome jacket, and I loves it! I pop my collar and strut. Last week, when we went out in the fog, she let me wear it, but she kept trying to fold the collar down. I know what's good, so I shook it back up. This battle went on for about 4 blocks, until MP finally sighed and said, "Puppy, you look like a doggy douchebag."

I prefer to call it frat-pup chic.

An Open Letter to Starbucks:

2010-11-16T14:10:00.000-08:00

Ahem...

Starbucks, we are breaking up.

I recently posted a non-inflammatory comment about the recent increase in the prices on your Facebook page, and I was censored. Then I posted a comment asking why a completely appropriate and not at all profane comment would be deleted.

It was also removed.

Since Starbucks apparently wants my money but doesn't want to have to take my feelings into account, listen to my needs, or treat me with respect, it's time for me to move on.

Frankly, if I wanted to be treated that way, I'd get married.

Good day.

Dream Rabbit

2010-11-14T16:23:00.000-08:00

... You're going down.

Next Stop

2010-11-03T18:50:00.000-07:00

Tobacco Caye

Awkward Voicemail (Part 1)

2010-10-31T12:18:00.001-07:00

"Hello, I'm _____'s mom. She told me she's going out with you Saturday night. Can you please make sure she's at my house, ready for church by 930am, Sunday? I feel it's especially important for her to make mass after this experience."

Wow.

Something, Something, and Sinker

2010-10-22T08:57:00.000-07:00

She walked over to MP and said, "Less than two percent of the world's population has green eyes. I'd like to take you home and study you."

If there's a way to reverse that so MP has a new line, it'll happen.

Since Nobody Else Is Saying It...

2010-10-14T20:53:00.001-07:00

Seriously? I don't know if this is a logo or a warning... but I'm totally not drinking any white liquid from that.

Indie Jonesin'

2010-10-09T07:51:00.000-07:00

MP is really missing Indie 103.1. Maybe Jonesy's Jukebox works on KROQ, but we doubt it. Either way, Sunday nights will be a lot more _____________

See what we mean?

Blow Out the Fire

2010-10-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

A few people have asked what I want for my birthday. It's simple (and cheap): If you are LGBT, tell your story for the It Gets Better Project. I remember what it felt like growing up, and sometimes I don't know how I kept breathing through it. Then I see some of you on my friends page, and I realize it's because I had you there to love me. So share that love-- because I'm here celebrating my 35th birthday thanks to people who were there to hold my hand and tell me "it gets better."

"...And all at once you look across a crowded room / To see the way that light attaches to a girl"

2010-09-28T16:20:00.000-07:00

RockStar Weekend Awaits!

2010-09-26T10:28:00.000-07:00

MP promises that I'll be getting some fun time, too, but as the countdown to rockstar weekend begins, I'm a little worried.

Closer...

2010-09-07T12:29:00.000-07:00

To the Outhouse, Jethro!

2010-08-29T13:50:00.000-07:00

The bathroom is almost done! The last coat of mudding goes on Tuesday, then we have the weekend to seal, prime and paint before Motown Phil comes over and gets down with our pipes. I'm very excited about sleeping in our bed again.

How I Spent My Summer

2010-08-29T13:31:00.001-07:00

We still need to get our countertop and backsplash, but our kitchen is definitely channeling her inner awesomeness. ...and our pull-out pantry is the bomb.

Unlocked and Loaded

2010-08-01T13:17:00.000-07:00

So, MP and I are completely remodeling our kitchen and bathroom. The kitchen is 100% gutted at this point; the bathroom is set for demo next week. When John the magic electrician and Superboy Sonny came yesterday to work their magic on our walls, the Pea puppysat me. And she gave MP a key to her place....

We don't know what this means or where it will go.

Snoopy Dance Time!

2010-07-24T00:57:00.000-07:00

See everyone tonight!

Pimptress, the Pooch, and MP

2010-07-11T14:28:00.000-07:00

We saw the Pimptress again! It was marvelous-- and she didn't even kill MP for leaving drool marks on the waitress... even though she said hands off because she wants to go back to Cafe Sevilla. A little walk, a little talk, and some sangria to prepare for the world cup finals. It doesn't get better than that.

¡Viva España!

2010-07-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

MP and I are headed out to party like rockstars, but we'd like to say thank you to everyone that spent time at our place during this world cup. Okay, okay, it's no hardship to spend an afternoon across the street from the beach-- but some of you came over at 6am for games. A few of you even stayed to help clean up. Two of you got naked. One of you was not asked to get dressed again. You guys pulled for my team once the US was eliminated, and that made it easier to compete with the Germany-lovin' neighbors in the yelling competition. It's been a blast. Hockey season starts in a couple months; let's do it again!

We'll keep the vuvuzela app ready to get hooked up to our stereo speakers once more.

¡Viva España!

Funniest. Shit. Ever.

2010-07-09T16:20:00.000-07:00

My person reenacted this for a Starbucks in our old hood yesterday and got free coffee for her and the Pea. You may have seen it before, but if not-- it's so worth it. The following is from the treasure trove that is www.27bslash6.com/missy.html If you haven't gone there to waste away the hours you are supposed to be working, then what the hell have you been doing with your life?Anyway, normally, I would just link to this, but it's far too important to risk having it go unclicked.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm

To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

Redemption (Sort of)

2010-07-03T13:40:00.000-07:00

It's okay to like Twilight if you are 12... maybe 15 if nobody wants to kiss you, so you sneak off to "practice" with your slow cousin. But grown ass women digging this movie just creeps me out. First: the books are terrible. Really. Many little girls actually protested how lousy the last one in particular was and returned their books for a refund in a very smart act of protest against giving money to ______. Why do I write ______? Well, research her social values and that will become clear. No easy hits on this blog. Anyway, the movies (against the cosmic odds) are even worse. And Kristen Stewart is apparently competing for the Golden Douchie with such wonderful talents as clicking her tongue every three words (both in and out of movies), not realizing that she doesn't qualify for "assassination" (really, if someone goes there, it's at best a mercy killing), and coming across like a royal biatch on Letterman. You don't know what a "woof" is? Remember high school?

Alas, there is some redeeming value coming to the Twilight thing. The interactive 8-bit video! When it's time to choose your action, click on it, and the continuation video will open up in a new window. Trust me, it's way better than the movie and probably has higher production values.

As always, remember:

Hot, Hot, Puckin'

2010-06-28T22:34:00.000-07:00

Hello, Summer! We just chose Ducks tickets for next year. This time I have two pairs of aisle seats (four piggybacked) in the terrace, rows K & L in the offensive zone, facing the benches. If you're interested in taking a game or two, send me a private message and we'll work something out.

A Long Time Ago, We Thought So, Too

2010-06-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

Watch CBS News Videos Online

A Castle Fit for a Pup

2010-06-28T18:39:00.000-07:00

MP and I put down the deposit on our custom kitchen cabinets today! Sweet! We're going white shaker with a double beaded panel, wood floors, stainless appliances (most already in), and either a recycled glass counter top or stainless steel back splash. It is going to be awesome! I'm so excited that my kibble will be coming from a beautiful pull-out pantry. Puppies deserve luxury-- and I am a very luxurious pup.

Since MP and I will be crashing with (ahem) friends during the install, we're going to have the bathroom redone at the same time.

After that, it's par-tay time!

It's a Draft Day Miracle!

2010-06-25T20:24:00.001-07:00

Cam Fowler at #12... and now...

Emerson Etem at #29. Seriously! Number 29! He's a pure goal scorer with excellent speed. He's from the LBC!

Light it up, baby! We'll be waiting for you.

Oh My God Oh My God Oh My God

2010-06-25T17:55:00.000-07:00

The idiots! The fools! The Ducks had the 12th pick in the NHL entry draft, and they snagged... Cam Fowler! Cam-Fucking-Fowler was passed over 11 times before the Ducks grabbed him. Who? What? That kid should have gone in the first five-- most people ranked him #3 overall...

I would like to thank the brain dead GMs and the people who say he isn't "physical" enough. Here's what we love:

Gooooooaaaaaaaaal! (Now Go Home!)

2010-06-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

USA advances in the World Cup! Amazing game, great fun, now I would really like these bastards to get out of my house so I can go back to sleep. When will MP learn that 6am knocks are not to be answered? I don't care if the people have beer-- although the puppy treats were very thoughtful. We drank, we cheered, now we sleep!

Ahem! We sleep...!

Huh. Apparently, these people don't read my blog, because one of them is stating to make some noise in the kitchen. I smell eggs. I like eggs. Okay, you guys can stay.

1234 Get Your Woman on the Floor

2010-06-19T14:28:00.000-07:00

The Pea says MP is a better dancer than most. I sniffed my tail for hitchhikers-- cause something wasn't right-- and said, "You mean better than you would think?" But the Pea insists that MP is a good dancer. I don't see it. I mean... I see it. I see it all over the damn place because MP doesn't have enough dignity to keep her booty shaking confined to the house or the club. Hell no. Bitch embarrasses me everywhere we go. She stood up and shook that thing on a bench at the pier; she stopped traffic by dancing down the middle of 2nd St; she bounced that booty down the rows at the street fair. Jesus, it's like living with a chick with Dancin' Tourette's.

Now that she's out of the cast and in a boot, she's perfected the crutch dance. It's like having a stripper pole around at all times.

I may never be able to show my face at the dog park again...

Everything Is Better with a Pinata

2010-06-12T14:06:00.001-07:00

Now. I'm off to poop a papier mache sculpture of me surfing the big waves at my bathtub.

Huh, Huh, Uh... What?

2010-06-11T12:53:00.000-07:00

Firegirl says MP has "way more reggae cds than anybody with a real job has a right to." True dat. But, in all fairness, she also has the entire collection of School House Rocks and at least three Sesame Street albums. Oh, Rubber Ducky, you are the one.

Come over for World Cup action this weekend if you're in the area. USA vs England starts at 11:30am, Saturday! If you need directions, toss an email to my FB. (Don't bother with MP's; she's a lousy host).

What Up, LB?

2010-06-05T17:33:00.001-07:00

Thanks for another beautiful day at the beach! Sure, some may dis the marine layer, but they're not chilling in 72 degree afternoons. It's time for my puppy tanning session. MP says it makes me smell like corn chips, but I think she's just jealous that I can pull off the fuzzy butt look, and she can't.

The Wizard Was Not Just a Man

2010-06-05T11:25:00.000-07:00

"Make a decision. Failure to act is often the biggest failure of all."
-- John Wooden

He wasn't just about basketball or UCLA. We loved him because he was the layperson's philosopher: humble and focused finding the best in all of us, rather than wailing on the imperfections we share.

They Got You, Too!?

2010-05-31T18:58:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, I tore my cruciate ligament. MP loved me so much that she paid for me to have a TPLO surgery at the best place around. I looked like this:

When MP came home from the orthopedic surgeon last Monday, I couldn't believe my eyes. They got her, too!

The swelling has gone down quite a bit, so her cast is more like a giant sock right now. But watch out for those aliens-- they're stealing legs and replacing them with pink fiberglass.

Oh, iTunes, You're an Expensive Mistress

2010-05-31T18:56:00.000-07:00

But, seriously, American Express must love you as much as we do.

Sweet, Lovely, and Amazing

2010-05-31T18:55:00.000-07:00

it's one of our favorites.

The Essential Question

2010-05-21T15:55:00.001-07:00

Where's My Tool Belt?

2010-05-04T14:09:00.000-07:00

the great kitchen remodel gets under way friday. i'm pretty excited because mp promised to give me a whole shelf for my kibble and cookies. we're going for a pull-out pantry, and some sweet corner cabinets with pull-out drawers and built-in lazy susans. even better? mp is paying for it, so i don't have to bust out the fishnets like i did when we had crown moulding installed.

"Life Goes Easy On Me..."

2010-05-02T21:02:00.000-07:00

Most of the Time.

My Boyfriend is Ever So Dreamy

2010-05-02T13:38:00.001-07:00

his name? it's george. george glass!

3 Years, 3 Weeks, and 3 Days Later

2010-04-25T20:19:00.000-07:00

MP: So. I was thinking... maybe you could leave more than a toothbrush here... if you want.

PEA: You mean something fancy? Hairbrush and deodorant, too?

MP: Maybe even panties and a shirt. No pants, though. That's moving too fast.

Please, Oh Please...

2010-04-22T13:28:00.001-07:00

Let this replace American Idol.

Fuck You, Mice!

2010-04-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

i will have you. i will eat you!

every night, when mp goes to bed, i keep watch to ensure you stay hidden, sucking the poison that will eradicate your very souls! okay, i'm a dramatic puppy. it's the chihuahua in me. but seriously: suck it, mice. by the time mp gets up, i'm so tired that all i can do is walk over to her, kiss her hello, and then flop onto my bed-- snoring.

mp says it's the price we pay for living between wetlands, the ocean, and a bay... but i still want you dead.

HaHaHaHaHaHa

2010-04-18T23:00:00.000-07:00

the pea says we should feel bad for boyle. i say, "suck it, sharks!"

Secrets and Thighs

2010-03-26T12:43:00.001-07:00

No matter what a girls says she'll do to you in exchange, watching New Moon is not worth it. It'll make anything done after feel dirty and meaningless because you sacrificed your soul and 120 minutes of your life to get it. And what the hell are you doing with the kind of girl that wants to see it, anyway? Oh. She's really hot? Well, just make sure the shutters are closed so the neighbors don't judge you.

Love

2010-03-25T17:08:00.001-07:00

every morning, when i wake up, i give mp a kiss. she may say, "oh, puppy, that's way too much tongue" and "aaah! puppy slobber in my eye!" but i know she really likes it.

every single day, when mp gets home, she pays attention to me first. it doesn't matter what she's carrying, if she has company, if she has to pee really bad... every time we see each other after we've been apart, she loves on me and tells me i'm the most wonderful puppy in the world (obviously, this is because i am).

at night, when it's time for bed, mp calls me to our room. if i'm too tired to get off the couch and crawl under the covers with her, she picks me up gently and carries me.

we love each other.

June

2010-03-19T12:42:00.001-07:00

Everybody Makes Mistakes

2010-03-03T20:14:00.000-08:00

i've been having some tummy issues... i eated lots of grass and pooped a few sculptures before nana went out... but...

mp found it when she came to pick me up after work. i was so embarrassed that i couldn't look her in the face. oh, the indignity. the sheer horror of having to admit the smelly things came from me. but mp said, "it's okay, puppy. everybody makes mistakes." a few handfuls of toilet paper, several flushes, and a bit of air fresheners later, and the evidence was gone. and then, she cuddled me in her lap and explained that she knows i'm a good girl that would never do something bad if there was any way around it. then, she showed me this:

ironically, she heard about this video on kevin & bean the morning of my terrible accident.
everybody makes mistakes, indeed.

Slower, Sweeter, and Dirtier

2010-02-26T13:42:00.001-08:00

What no Kiss?!

2010-02-26T13:38:00.000-08:00

US hockey has had it's way with Kips 4 times in 10 minutes. I hope we at least have the manners to call him in the morning and thank him for a good time.

Say Fleas!

2010-02-23T16:46:00.000-08:00

mp asked me what i was dreaming about to make me smile like that. i told her i was thinking about our last trip to the park...
but i was really thinking about the lab down the street.

It's Time, It's Time, It's Time!

2010-02-21T16:01:00.000-08:00

US v Canada starts in 3 minutes! and to get you in the mood... SHRIMP FRIED RICE!

My Super Power

2010-02-21T11:53:00.001-08:00

i can sleep anywhere.

Guilty Pleasures #2

2010-02-19T21:46:00.000-08:00

...oh, for so many reasons.

we're laughing with you.

Wednesday Swing Time!

2010-02-16T13:25:00.000-08:00

yeah, it's a little early, but mp and i just got back from dancing on the bluff... and we feel goooood!

Dirty, Crazy Fun

2010-02-15T12:23:00.000-08:00

CHP: has your life just been one g-damn party for the last four years?
MP: yes, yes, it has.
CHP: so... you do all the ridiculous crap you do...
MP: ...and have a career, a beach house, money, and filthy sex. right.
CHP: I fucking hate you.
MP: but wait! I have a registered offender stalking me. that's not good. it's why you're bringing me oc spray, remember?
CHP: I'm about to use the spray on you.
MP: just leave your extra set of cuffs; the pea's coming over later.

All Play and No Work...

2010-02-03T12:02:00.000-08:00

makes me a happy pup.

I Blame it on Kevin and Bean

2010-01-29T00:16:00.001-08:00

there are places to report child porn.
why aren't there places to report fucking disgusting?

Sunshine

2010-01-27T17:02:00.001-08:00

I Snore Like a Friggin Teamster

2010-01-18T23:32:00.000-08:00

but my person loves me anyway.

Go Ducks!

2010-01-18T13:26:00.000-08:00

the wins aren't always pretty, but we're getting some points. last night, the entire honda center was on its feet until the last second. for the record, mp made the pea walk in the rain both ways... but gave her our umbrella, so my person sat, soaking wet and freezing the whole game. lucky for us, the pea knows how to make it all better.

this is chipchura in the first period. he's been playing solid and knows how to stand up for the team. don't let all the blood fool you-- he won this bout.

Inconceivable

2010-01-04T18:06:00.000-08:00

i still can't believe all the amazing footage that was deleted from the theatrical release of HP 5, but this omission is egregious...

Guilty Pleasures #1

2010-01-04T17:11:00.000-08:00

oh, i'm a dirty, dirty pup... but i got no shame.

Rubber Soul

2009-12-21T19:22:00.001-08:00

it's always been one of our favorite albums... album... the whole concept thing. too many people forget to connect the dots in great music, but this short, sweet, sad album makes it impossible to listen without wistful melancholy. and absolute joy.

merry christmas.

"There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more."

If You Forget Me

2009-12-13T21:53:00.000-08:00

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

-- Pablo Neruda

Uh... Oh... I, Uh...

2009-12-09T19:49:00.000-08:00

i don't know which horrifies me more-- that firegirl has this cd... or that she got mp to sing the harmony part with her while they made tamales.

and for more amusement, here are more songs mp knew the words to:

although i admit i like the last one...

When You Know What Matters...

2009-12-04T20:18:00.000-08:00

shiny things don't turn your head. after all, women don't care if you're beautiful; they care that they feel beautiful when they're with you.

Best Four Minutes of Any Movie

2009-11-15T20:02:00.000-08:00

we love this because... well, you know why. don't you?

One of Our Favorites

2009-11-14T13:25:00.001-08:00

it says a lot when a song is almost impossible to fuck up.

The Crazy Always Comes Out

2009-11-06T22:16:00.000-08:00

congratulations to elizabeth lambert for becoming the youtube video people cringe at more than the one with the MMA player's compound fracture flapping in the wind. i'm sure her parents are proud.

Say it Ain't So

2009-11-06T09:43:00.000-08:00

my person knew her priorities were skewed when she compared unwrapping Uncharted 2 and starting the multiplayer for the first time to sliding a hot girls panties down her thighs after chasing her for a year. but... oh, yeah. it was that good. it's been two weeks since we finished the game, and pressing drake's buttons still excites us.

the pea is flying back in tonight, and supergirl and shay-zam! will be keeping mp busy on saturday... but this afternoon will be filled with online goodness.

Wolf Like ME

2009-10-31T13:56:00.000-07:00

oh, TV on the Radio, you deserve to be revered.

Killing Moon Time!

2009-10-31T13:51:00.000-07:00

One Bad Date and a Compliment

2009-10-08T16:55:00.000-07:00

that's how close shay-zam says my person is to closing the deal.

Shay-Zam

2009-09-28T20:41:00.000-07:00

if she had a gay bone in her body, it would be my person's.
they would be married with 6 kids by now.
fucking hetero genes!

Another Beautiful Day at the Beach

2009-09-18T17:49:00.000-07:00

my person is chillin' with me, the sky is blue, the ocean breeze is fluttering through our windows, and i can hear the honk of the ships floating into the harbor. the pea lives three blocks one way; pimptress lives four blocks in the other. when we have our shutters open, the entire world is ours to view. at night, we close the bottom half, but leave open the top, and we have a cozy, private home.

this is our life.

how the heck did we ever get so lucky?

Neglected but Lovely

2009-08-31T23:54:00.000-07:00

...And to Love You

2009-08-31T23:20:00.000-07:00

Bring That Deliciousness Closer!

2009-08-27T19:01:00.001-07:00

it was 111 at some point in our travels today.

and all we could think about were delicious trader joe's fruit floes, the fact that the pea will be landing back in town tonight, and the tasty delights that could happen if we put those two things together....

It's Almost Christmas!

2009-08-25T17:53:00.000-07:00

well, it's almost time for our season tickets to arrive. this year, we have upgraded and four-- oh, yeah, four-- seats belong to us all season. that's a lotta dates, yo. if you wanna go to a game or two, let mp know. we're planning on dragging the pimptress, the pea, superman, bubba, and bruinista to as many face-offs as they can take.

Like a Book

2009-08-24T23:31:00.001-07:00

unlike tony, it's working again.

Antonio Villaraigosa: "Like a Mayor" - watch more funny videos

Summa Summa Summa-time!

2009-08-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

mp's break is almost over, but in a week we go tenure-track, baby! no more flying down freeways; no more praying for gigs; no more late nights followed by early mornings. (well... not for work, anyway.) mp gets a chance to study her craft, develop more effective methods, and have a fucking blast with the best coworkers around.

in the meantime, i'm helping her enjoy the beach pad to the fullest. today, we walked down to the water and played a little living room bowl-a-thon-- followed by people watching and an afternoon nap.

tomorrow, mp is patching the plaster in our walk-in closet so she can paint it and install the new closet organizers this weekend.